Sorry, hit enter too soon. Good article and very relevant. I am a parent of a young woman and a young man in their 20. I swe the what I call “failure to launch” all around my friends sons.
In my solid middle class group of friends and acquaintances I know of the following young men:
One had a mental health crisis in Grade 9, never attended high school, no single credit to his name. Self taught himself coding, now has a job, but never had a girlfriend and is 25.
Another one never finished high school, lives with his dad, does not work nor go to school. Also 25 and never had a girlfriend.
One attended college for a bit, had mental health issues and dropped out, and is a basement dweller playing video games, age 22.
3 other males in late teens and early 20s refuse to go to post secondary, can’t find a program they want to take, none working full time jobs for the whole year.
All of the above are living at home.
Another one finally finished his undergraduate degree at age 25, only worked once for about 2 months in a crappy job and 6 months for mom and dad. All expenses including tuition and living expenses paid for up to now. Now 25, pretty much no work experience and looking for a job since December.
Yet another has been hospitalized twice due to psychotic episodes due to cannabis abuse and now lives at home, age 25, again no job..
I could go on and on. It is incredibly depressing to see how no expectations have been set for any of these young men, unconditional love and financial support has been provided to them..
So that is 8 young men listed above, from middle class/upper middle class homes. It is truly frightening.
In contrast, I know only 5 young men amongst my close friends who seem to be thriving and following a reasonable trajectory in life, that is finishing school and moving onto a trade, college or full time work.
Thank you Curious. Your illustration of the permanent adolescence malaise fleshes out the point so powerfully. The City Journal article I linked to is worth a read if you haven't already.
What's so infuriating about the sociology of the Longhouse is the classic feminine weapon of denial: No, I'm NOT browbeating you. No, I'm NOT nagging you. No, I'm NOT cancelling you, I'm just reminding you... etc. As long as this goes on, no change in Western society will ever occur. It's the perfect psychological double-bind. If you point out how I'm oppressing you, then you're oppressing me! And the assumption that violence can only ever be physical (male), not verbal or psychological, which of course is nonsense.
And while I am all for acknowledgement of historical wrongs against minorities—this is only responsible—under Longhouse rules, it becomes part of the permanent liturgy of the New Church that has replaced former religious rites. No one is ever allowed to move on, but must continually be reminded of how awful they/their ancestors were toward a certain ethnic or religious group.
Oddly enough, it's a psychic echo of the doctrine of original sin. Repeat after me: you are bad, you are bad, you are bad for doing... (fill in the blank). Except that, unlike the Christian doctrine, there is no hope of redemption offered.
Sir, brilliant as usual! This woman is looking forward to watching the final day of "The Open (British) Golf Championship." Hopelessly enthralled by MEN...
"Here is a young male on certain unspoken realities of dating women: “Some time during adolescence, every heterosexual male becomes aware of a discrepancy, as large as a continent, between what society tells them is the truth and their own individual experience. What the naive, kind and gentle adolescent male will notice, over and over again, is that it’s the swaggering, confident alpha male that women want to engage with sexually.”"
It is no secret that human women are attracted to men who can win status contests with other men.
The issue ends up not being related to the moral goodness* (or not) of this female vs. male status preference, but that this is the result of evolution over 1000's of generations of humans (and other animal species). Thus, while unfortunate for many non-alpha males, there are also still a large cohort of non-alpha females with whom then end up partnering to overall good effect. Many of the recent discussions of the "failures of the elites" also suggests one person's alpha might be another person's beta or gamma or zeta.
In my now older age, I have taken to looking at older couples and trying to imagine what they looked like when young adults and what the "attraction" might have been back then. For some couples, it is much clearer than for the others. But just what the "chemistry of attraction" really depends upon still seems to be one of the mysteries of the ages (beyond simple lust, that is). Our social lassitude permitting easier divorce also has both positive and negative elements. Sometimes people do get to "start over".
*at least from the perspective of Western civilization?
I think among the greatest takeaway of my maturing opinion on the crazy current era we're living in, has been my personal persistent witnessing among the working class, where men sheepishly, almost embarrassingly, admit to having wives/partners who have decided to become full time mothers and forgo nurseries and returning to the workforce, while observing my peers in the urban middle class brethren meander lost as they postpone family creation or chase an illusory and unobtainable balance between starting a family and continuing professional careers. My father passed away over a decade ago and the longer time passes the more I appreciate no one cares about how much one earned, but only the brief highlights from accomplishments and what they chose to leave behind (me). Perhaps this is something childless women will better appreciate when they're in old age.
The problem with the critique of Lasch is it assumes that because he is unable to articulate a better solution than a previously existing reality penalizing women, which for all intents and purposes arose after the agricultural revolution displaced communities and created huge urban slum agglomerations (where unprotected women were easy prey for unsavory tastes), therefore the goal of economic parity by women becomes a noble endeavor we should all bend the knee to, whereas most men would perhaps clarify that 90% of work is shit, but it's a burden worth shouldering if it means a family can breathe and live. This was one of my eye openers in my 40s. Creating noble and meaningful work is incredibly difficult: most noble endeavors are just virtue signaling. To then want to engage in the pursuit of a career from our studies in our teen years all the way to the Apex of hierarchies in our 50s, for what exactly? For a few extra peanuts? This more than anything has cracked open reexamining feminism through the lens of a psyop created to undermine society and place the entirety of the West a manipulated plaything of vested interests, not least because the supposed sexual liberation at the forefront of the 60s social movements, including feminism, contradictorily led us to an ever greater sexualizing of youths from the 90s to a grotesque rendition of hedonism today. And don't get me started on the fake financialized economy ;-)
The good news is this reality of faulty narratives is falling apart and if we're lucky, there will soon be conditions for big changes as ever more people understand the great manipulations behind the scenes. Unfortunately change on such a scale rarely happens peacefully.
That was a damned interesting and informative read.
Excellent work sir !
Thank you Paul
Sorry, hit enter too soon. Good article and very relevant. I am a parent of a young woman and a young man in their 20. I swe the what I call “failure to launch” all around my friends sons.
In my solid middle class group of friends and acquaintances I know of the following young men:
One had a mental health crisis in Grade 9, never attended high school, no single credit to his name. Self taught himself coding, now has a job, but never had a girlfriend and is 25.
Another one never finished high school, lives with his dad, does not work nor go to school. Also 25 and never had a girlfriend.
One attended college for a bit, had mental health issues and dropped out, and is a basement dweller playing video games, age 22.
3 other males in late teens and early 20s refuse to go to post secondary, can’t find a program they want to take, none working full time jobs for the whole year.
All of the above are living at home.
Another one finally finished his undergraduate degree at age 25, only worked once for about 2 months in a crappy job and 6 months for mom and dad. All expenses including tuition and living expenses paid for up to now. Now 25, pretty much no work experience and looking for a job since December.
Yet another has been hospitalized twice due to psychotic episodes due to cannabis abuse and now lives at home, age 25, again no job..
I could go on and on. It is incredibly depressing to see how no expectations have been set for any of these young men, unconditional love and financial support has been provided to them..
So that is 8 young men listed above, from middle class/upper middle class homes. It is truly frightening.
In contrast, I know only 5 young men amongst my close friends who seem to be thriving and following a reasonable trajectory in life, that is finishing school and moving onto a trade, college or full time work.
Thank you Curious. Your illustration of the permanent adolescence malaise fleshes out the point so powerfully. The City Journal article I linked to is worth a read if you haven't already.
I see now (from your first comment) that you already have!
What I am caricaturing here is a conception of our actual 21st c. Western world as a place that has putatively become excessively ‘feminised’.
------------
Corollary: Also excessively "emasculated."
[Insightful and beautifully written, per usual, Graham.]
Thank you ShainS
What's so infuriating about the sociology of the Longhouse is the classic feminine weapon of denial: No, I'm NOT browbeating you. No, I'm NOT nagging you. No, I'm NOT cancelling you, I'm just reminding you... etc. As long as this goes on, no change in Western society will ever occur. It's the perfect psychological double-bind. If you point out how I'm oppressing you, then you're oppressing me! And the assumption that violence can only ever be physical (male), not verbal or psychological, which of course is nonsense.
And while I am all for acknowledgement of historical wrongs against minorities—this is only responsible—under Longhouse rules, it becomes part of the permanent liturgy of the New Church that has replaced former religious rites. No one is ever allowed to move on, but must continually be reminded of how awful they/their ancestors were toward a certain ethnic or religious group.
Oddly enough, it's a psychic echo of the doctrine of original sin. Repeat after me: you are bad, you are bad, you are bad for doing... (fill in the blank). Except that, unlike the Christian doctrine, there is no hope of redemption offered.
Sir, brilliant as usual! This woman is looking forward to watching the final day of "The Open (British) Golf Championship." Hopelessly enthralled by MEN...
Thank you Mary. Hope it's a good one.
"Here is a young male on certain unspoken realities of dating women: “Some time during adolescence, every heterosexual male becomes aware of a discrepancy, as large as a continent, between what society tells them is the truth and their own individual experience. What the naive, kind and gentle adolescent male will notice, over and over again, is that it’s the swaggering, confident alpha male that women want to engage with sexually.”"
It is no secret that human women are attracted to men who can win status contests with other men.
Actually not that different for cats.
The issue ends up not being related to the moral goodness* (or not) of this female vs. male status preference, but that this is the result of evolution over 1000's of generations of humans (and other animal species). Thus, while unfortunate for many non-alpha males, there are also still a large cohort of non-alpha females with whom then end up partnering to overall good effect. Many of the recent discussions of the "failures of the elites" also suggests one person's alpha might be another person's beta or gamma or zeta.
In my now older age, I have taken to looking at older couples and trying to imagine what they looked like when young adults and what the "attraction" might have been back then. For some couples, it is much clearer than for the others. But just what the "chemistry of attraction" really depends upon still seems to be one of the mysteries of the ages (beyond simple lust, that is). Our social lassitude permitting easier divorce also has both positive and negative elements. Sometimes people do get to "start over".
*at least from the perspective of Western civilization?
Great write-up, very contemplative.
I think among the greatest takeaway of my maturing opinion on the crazy current era we're living in, has been my personal persistent witnessing among the working class, where men sheepishly, almost embarrassingly, admit to having wives/partners who have decided to become full time mothers and forgo nurseries and returning to the workforce, while observing my peers in the urban middle class brethren meander lost as they postpone family creation or chase an illusory and unobtainable balance between starting a family and continuing professional careers. My father passed away over a decade ago and the longer time passes the more I appreciate no one cares about how much one earned, but only the brief highlights from accomplishments and what they chose to leave behind (me). Perhaps this is something childless women will better appreciate when they're in old age.
The problem with the critique of Lasch is it assumes that because he is unable to articulate a better solution than a previously existing reality penalizing women, which for all intents and purposes arose after the agricultural revolution displaced communities and created huge urban slum agglomerations (where unprotected women were easy prey for unsavory tastes), therefore the goal of economic parity by women becomes a noble endeavor we should all bend the knee to, whereas most men would perhaps clarify that 90% of work is shit, but it's a burden worth shouldering if it means a family can breathe and live. This was one of my eye openers in my 40s. Creating noble and meaningful work is incredibly difficult: most noble endeavors are just virtue signaling. To then want to engage in the pursuit of a career from our studies in our teen years all the way to the Apex of hierarchies in our 50s, for what exactly? For a few extra peanuts? This more than anything has cracked open reexamining feminism through the lens of a psyop created to undermine society and place the entirety of the West a manipulated plaything of vested interests, not least because the supposed sexual liberation at the forefront of the 60s social movements, including feminism, contradictorily led us to an ever greater sexualizing of youths from the 90s to a grotesque rendition of hedonism today. And don't get me started on the fake financialized economy ;-)
The good news is this reality of faulty narratives is falling apart and if we're lucky, there will soon be conditions for big changes as ever more people understand the great manipulations behind the scenes. Unfortunately change on such a scale rarely happens peacefully.
Thank you Stefano...and for the restack
Well written Mr. Cunningham.
Lots of overlap with my thoughts, and those written by my wife Julie here: https://pairodocs.substack.com/p/where-have-all-the-real-men-gone-0f9
Thank you. Iinteresting...... and Yes lots of overlap.
If your wife would be interested in swapping free subscriptions, please ask her to let me know.
A little Chesterton might make liberals (and all utopians) more aware of the dangers of tearing down fences without knowing why they're there.
"Patriarchy" in practice, is the socio-economic control of society by females, mainly elderly and barren, by their hen-pecked husbands.
Please find an introduction to two of my favorite feminists
http://susangriffin.com/blogs
Note the prescient comments on the Orange Haired Monstrosity that now haunts the collective US psyche.
He is of course also a full-blown sociopath and the leading edge vector of the Wetiko Psychosis as described here:
http://www.awakeninthedream.com/undreaming-wetiko-introduction
The work of Karen Tate via her book Voices of the Sacred Feminine Conversations to Re-Shape Our World. She also has a regular pod-cast.
Thank you...I will take a look
Saw the reference to the book “Manning up”